Has your eye stopped twitching yet?

Photo by Pixabay.

Many of you aren't working this week. And we're not either. Not really. We wondered if it made sense to write a newsletter about work and bossing when, for many of you, it will be one more thing in your inbox waiting for your return. If that's you and you're reading this in early Jan and stressing, please put us at the bottom of the pile. This email requires no reply.

And if you're reading us over break, we hope it's been restorative. That you've been able to step away. And been willing to let the out of office auto-responder carry the load for at least a little while.

On our end, we'd mostly lost track of what day it was. Oh, and you know that eye flutter thing? The one where you've been staring at screens in low light and working from the couch for the better part of a year. At the end of 2020, everyone we knew was crash landing into the holidays with a persistent eye flutter. Maybe you had one, too?

Anyway, ours seem to be calming down. And if yours hasn't yet and you want the recipe, here's what we've got so far:

Step away from the computer. Take a break from squinting at a screen to make out the micro-changes in someone's expression. And reconciling that against a laggy internet connection. And if you wear contacts, switch to glasses for a week.

Tiny bubbles

In the moments when this year was utterly unbearable, one of us would say, "well, at least we're in the same country." Depending on your perspective, that's either completely adorable or totally cringe. We get it.

But the thing people often miss about the two of us is that before we were married co-founders and co-parents, we were very long distance. Across several time zones and an international border. For years. When shit got rough, we'd always have this touchstone. Same country. Same city. Same house. Everything else, we'll figure out.

Do you remember that "deconstructed food" trend in the early 00s? The one where chefs would make essence of french toast and it would have maple foam on a brioche square. And they'd call it Morning in Vermont?

That touchstone is deconstructed gratitude. Stripped down to the core part that makes the rest of our lives possible.

There's all this research about how the happiest people have a regular gratitude practice. And for many folks, this can take the form of journaling or meditation. The shove is to shift your perspective. To focus not on all that is going wrong, but to start cataloging the things that are going right.

Our version starts with the core nugget. The place where if one thing had been different, everything would be different. It's a hell of a thing to hold the immenseness of it. But if you can do it, a bunch of other core nuggets start to appear.

Speaking of Gratitude

Back in The Before, one of the things we would talk with people about was networking. It's clear that having an engaged network unlocks all sorts of opportunity. And not in a transactional way. The best networks build through mutual support and personal connection. We know this.

And we fucking hated networking.

It's hard to remember that right now. Honestly, if it were safe to have a big community get together right now, we would pack a year's worth of hugs into the first hour. But the polite, small-talky, sterility of most networking events left us exhausted. Every time. And we're pretty sure that feeling will come back, too.

The tool we gave people then was about how to activate your network without those awful events. And given that no one's hosting events right now anyhow, it feels like a good time to bring it back. It goes like this:

Think about someone who helped you out. Maybe they stepped up in a massive way and they know it. Maybe it was a passing thing and they don't even remember, but you do. Think about someone who saw you. Who said the thing you needed to hear, or who opened a door, or closed one you shouldn't have gone through. Think about someone who got you through this year.

And now go say thank you. Say a specific thank you that you've put some thought into. Don't have a follow-up ask. Don't expect them to reciprocate. Don't make this message do any work except to recognize the impact they had on you and let them sit in it. The icky parts of networking are where we're looking to exploit each other. So don't do that. Just put gratitude into the world.

One effect of this will be that that person is a more active part of your network now. They know that you recognize their effort, that it isn't wasted, and that you take it seriously. In most circumstances, network engagement matters more than network size. But a more important effect of this is that the world gets a little better. And our shattered sense of community heals a bit. All because you sent an email.

Thank you for 2020. Thank you for forwarding our stuff, and writing us to tell us when it hit. We're trying to make work better for people because we think it's possible and worthy and important. It makes us want to cry sometimes, to know that you get it and that you're still here with us working on it. Thank you for building this thing with us. Thank you for holding on. We'll see you in 2021.

- Melissa and Johnathan